Here are my answers from 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, and 2023. These are my answers from 2024:
Day 1:
Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?My answer:
The first things that come to mind are sports. I went to Cardiff to watch Scotland play Wales in the Six Nations - and we won! I've been going to Cardiff every two years for years. I think I started in 2008. And I've seen Scotland lose every single time - sometimes a heavy defeat. This year, Wales were in disarray and Scotland were on the up. And we won! It seemed too good to be true. I've been lucky to see Scotland beat England at Twickenham in recent years - as well as a thrilling 38-38 draw in 2019. These are some of the best sporting memories of my life - certainly in terms of being there live, in person at the event.Scotland took a big lead in the first half against Wales and then Wales came back into the game. I remember refusing to get up out of my seat to allow someone back in when Scotland were defending on their own line. (That's a really annoying thing about going to rugby internationals: the constant getting up and letting people squeeze past you to go to the bar for more drinks. I don't understand why people spend hundreds of pounds on tickets and travel and then just piss the day away getting drunk.) By the end of the game, Scotland were clinging on to their lead. Eventually, they won the ball and worked their way down to the Welsh line. I was screaming for them to kick it out: time was up, the game was over. By continuing to play, they risked giving away a penalty, giving Wales the ball and the chance to break for the winning try at the other end of the pitch. I was screaming so much I nearly passed out through lack of oxygen!
I'm so grateful I got the chance to witness this rare event in person. It may not happen again in my lifetime. I'm also relieved to be following a team that has a chance to win more games than it loses. When you're Scottish and you follow the Scotland rugby team, you get used to losing and disappointment. As a result, any victory tastes all the sweeter.
We pigged out on rugby this year. We also had tickets to Scotland vs England at Murrayfield. The first time I've been to a home game since I was at school in 2001. And Scotland won this one, too! It was a great day out. But going to two Six Nations game in one season is quite a lot. I've now seen Scotland win in Edinburgh, Twickenham, and Cardiff. Next year, we're going to Paris for the final game of the championship. I'm stupidly hopeful (mostly jokingly), that we could be watching Scotland play for the chance to win the Grand Slam. I doubt this, but can you let me dream?
I've talked about going to see Scotland play in Dublin and Rome as well. Maybe we'll treat ourselves to those in future years.
Another significant sporting experience this year is that the Washington Commanders are pretty decent (so far) in this young NFL season. We're 4-1 and have won four games on the trot. Our rookie quarterback, Jayden Daniels, is playing really well. Even our defense has been playing well the last couple of games. I'm trying to stay cool about it and enjoy it while it lasts. The NFL is, after, the Not For Long league: defenses will figure out how to stop us; we'll have injuries; form will dip; we'll be unlucky. But let me enjoy it in the meantime! If you wait long enough, things will get better. Scotland beat England at Twickenham. Dan Snyder finally sold the team and we seem to have appointed some coaches who are making the most of the talent available to them.
I've loved sports for a long time. I love the stories around them, and the emotions; the history, the rituals, the traditions; the unexpected result, the lucky break. I went through a bit of a dip in the mid-2000s. It's hard to keep going when your teams are shite. But it also gets a bit repetitive and there are other things to do with one's time.
I'm really lucky that Fran tolerates my interest in sport and is even learning to share it with me. She loves watching sports documentaries with me. And she finds ways to enjoy it through me. We both love the Tour de Frances and the Olympics. I love the drama and the emotion. It doesn't matter if the athlete is from "my" country. I love sport for sport's sake.
It's also nice to be writing about something light-hearted and joyful this year; not the death of my big brother.
Day 2:
Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you're especially proud of from this past year?My answer:
I'm proud of the way I have learned to take good care of myself. It started with meditation in the shower to get me through the grief when Gregory was dying. I think I maybe took a break from it when we were on holiday in Berlin. But, with Fran's encouragement and her own good example, I've made it part of my routine to use the Balance app to listen to a meditation each weekday morning when I have a shower. It's become a solid part of my routine. I also use the "Ease into Work" meditation when I'm feeling stuck and unproductive; and the pomodoro timer, to kick-start my work; and I listen to a meditation when I spend 20 minutes lying on my shakti mat after working out in the morning. It now feels like a special treat at the weekend to listen to a podcast or audiobook in the shower. And I'm definitely "reading" a bit less this year because of the time lost reading in the shower. But I'm happy to take the mental health benefits of meditation instead. That's definitely something that's different about me this year.I had the Balance app for free for a year. I didn't use it at first but suggested it to Fran when she was struggling with anxiety about work. It made a positive difference to her. So when I was in my time of need and she suggested it to me, I started doing it, too.
Another part of my self-care was to give up the 5:2 diet, which just felt too hard this time last year when I was processing the waves of grief from Gregory's death. I allowed myself a holiday from that. And, yes, I did put on a bit of weight, but that's OK. I started the 5:2 again at the beginning of September and it definitely feels easier. Tuesday and Thursday are my fast days; and sometimes I could also do Monday because I get up later after a late night of NFL.
I can't think of anything that I wish I had done differently. I guess that's a good sign.
Perhaps as a result of my self-care routines, I've had better work habits this year. I'm still not perfect and work nowhere near full-time. But I don't need to. I earn enough to pay my way. I do feel more productive and the work continues to come my way. It's also been a bit more interesting this year. I like a bit of problem solving and making things incrementally better. I see that I have skills that fill a gap in the organizations I work with. I've also come to understand that what I do can be called Technical Marketing. I've never really had a proper, concise label for it before. I got that from a handbook written by Simo Ahava, the Google Tag Manager expert who I've been following for years.
Day 3:
Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?My answer:
We started scattering my big brother Gregory's ashes in our favourite places around these islands. I was the first to do it at the end of March. Moira and Sandy joined Fran and me in Wales for a few days. We took him to Ynyslas, my favourite beach, and where I proposed to Fran. His remains were kept in a large cardboard cylinder about the size of a big stack of CDs and the height of a tube of Pringles. It was heavy! And it was just one quarter of his remains! I went into the sea by myself. Before I went in, the four of us held the container together. As I walked into the waves, I was hit by another wave of grief. I was pleased I had that moment to myself, in private. I waded in to about waist height and opened the perforated lid of the container. I started to pour out the ashes, which came in a trickle. I had to make sure that I faced the right way with the wind at my back. I then realized it would work better if I ripped off the lid of the hole because it was flapping back inside and blocking the flow. I poured a lot but eventually it was empty. The ashes lay on top of the surface of the water and then were mixed in when they were hit by a wave.It seemed like the natural thing to do to take Gregory to each of our favourite places. Instead of having a grave site to visit, we will now be able to go to our favourite places whenever we want to see him. And his atoms will become a part of that landscape. I can say, "Let's go to see Gregory." Or let's go for a swim with him. It will become a palimpsest place with layers of memories of each year we visit; the joyous memory of my proposal to Fran, kneeling in the cold, shallow water; and of a more solemn time, putting my brother's body to rest. We were never able to share Ynyslas with Gregory while he was alive. And, to be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to share a holiday with him there. He wasn't great company when high or low or somewhere in between. So that one was emotional for me.
Then, in late July, the Brains and Brawn met in Courtmacsherry, County Cork, where my sister Laura lives: Fran and I travelled over by car and ferry from Holyhead; Richard and Zoe flew. The five of us went to Laura's favourite beach, Broadstrand. As a celebrant, Laura had thought of how we could honour Gregory's dark side and our own shadow selves. We created a little shrine out of the different parts of his life: family, friends, metal (I forget everything, to be honest). Laura gave a speech. I was expecting to be more emotional, but I was calm and composed. Then we drew a family tree in the sand and put candles on the branches to represent each of us. We then took his remains in the sea, in the same container as before. We took turns holding the container as we scattered the ashes in the water. The same problem of the lid getting stuck inside and stopping the flow. Richard's swimming shorts got a bit covered in ashy dust. Then we had a swim together. We did it at the early part of the holiday and it felt like a weight was lifted afterwards.
Then it was Moira and Sandy's turn. They took him to Kilmory beach on Achnamara: their special place. They were alone this time but spent hours being in that landscape, choosing where to scatter his ashes in private. Moira also talked of some sense of relief and gratitude.
My brief ball seems to have got smaller and the waves of grief are less frequent; but they do still hit me every now and again. When I cry over films and TV, it's often with a nip of grief for Gregory somewhere in there, too. Will every time I cry from now on be like this?
What's next? There's one more portion of his remains to scatter. We've got plans to do that next October on the Isle of Arran in Richard and Zoe's favourite spot. But we won't have been there yet by this time next year, so I'll have to wait a couple of years to write about that.
Day 4:
Describe an event in the world that has impacted you this year. How? Why?My answer:
There was a UK general election at the beginning of July. I followed the campaign closely, listening to the daily "Newscast" podcast from the BBC and reading occasional articles in the "Guardian". I was desperate for the Tories to be voted out and they duly were trounced. Labour won a big majority and my party, the Lib Dems, made a big comeback with a very strategic campaign that focused on the few seats where they had a genuine chance of winning - mostly in Conservative marginals. It was clever stuff. I stayed up all night to watch the results come in. My highlight was around 06:00 when Liz Truss lost her seat.I now pay less attention to politics because I trust Labour and Keir Starmer to get on with the business of governing with less scandal and more integrity than before. (Turns out, they are not immune. They won't spend as much as they need to; and they're happy to take lots of freebies.)
I also read a book recently called "Failed State", which has begun to change my mind and not blame the Tories for everything. It's not all their fault; the institutions of government are themselves failing - whoever is in power. But the problem is that the government is too busy to actually reform the system and would probably be criticized for not focusing on the important and immediate things. It's all fucked, basically, but there are ways to make it better - mostly by decentralizing power, investing properly in local government, changing the system of patronage and incentives for MPs, changing the culture of the Treasury, which always seeks to limit spending.
It's been nice to be on the right side of an election result for a change. The Lib Dem won in our local, redrawn seat. The whole of Oxfordshire is Tory-free! I suspect that this government will just try to steady the ship and it won't be until the next election when they are able to campaign for more radical changes. I was disappointed that there wasn't enough focus on environmental issues. There's so much shite talked about immigration in a negative sense. There was one SNP leader who actually spoke in favour of immigration, arguing that Scotland's economy needed it to thrive, which was really refreshing.
But I certainly feel more at ease now that the Tories are no longer in power. Of course things will still go wrong, people will misbehave, decisions will be botched, the wrong things will be funded. But that's government. An ill compromise. I was nevertheless very proud of the dignified, swift, and peaceful transfer of power the day after the election. There are some things this country gets right.
Day 5:
Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? "Spiritual" can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth.My answer:
Nothing springs to mind at the moment that I haven't already written about: scattering Gregory's ashes at Ynyslas and Broadstrand; watching Scotland beat Wales in Cardiff and England at Murrayfield.The closest to a "spiritual" experience have been my occasional dreams of Gregory. The most recent one was a couple of nights ago when he appeared as The Joker in an amateur stage production at my old school, Belmont Academy. I was also in A Block, the Physics, Chemistry, Maths, Techy, and Art building. Sometimes these dreams linger with me for the whole day. I tend to share these on the "Just wee 6" WhatsApp group. I have dreamed of him in his yellow swimming shorts; being taken hostage in the back of a yellow van and we had to rescue him from Carlisle (where his death was registered); I gave him a hug standing up; he took us up a tower like the Berlin TV tower to look down at his black and white graffiti art on the ground surrounding it; he broke both of his legs and was missing when we went to visit him in hospital, then we saw him hobbling down the coridor wearing a pair of khaki fisherman's waders and I ran up to him, joyfully shouting "You fucking freak!" because he shouldn't have recovered so quickly after his operation - he was smiling and had a glow about him with a big bushy fisherman's beard - he was mute; I was visiting his university during a conference and it ended with him disrupting my viewing of the Super Bowl by putting on an alternative Nickelodeon-style broadcast and then trying to buy the Spice Girls movie - he was an agent of chaos; he was sitting quietly in a little pink dress; he wouldn't join us on a family camping trip because he wanted to watch an opera on TV with his girlfriend; he was driving us up a steep icy slope towards some kind of natural disaster that Moira was keen to see up close (like an explosion in an icy mountain) - I urged him to shift into first gear when it got really steep (back-seat driving); we were visiting him in his flat (much nicer than the real one) - Scotty was there with a new haircut - when it was time to say goodbye, we knew it would be the last time - I gave Gregory a big hug with his head on my ribcage; we were again visiting his flat (more grotty this time) - I had a bath and when I let the water out I could see lots of hair shavings in the bottom, some of which were mine - then I noticed there were lots of minnows in the bottom of the bath as the water was running out and all over the carpet - I wondered if they had swum up the pipes from Bristol’s sewers - Gregory sheepishly revealed that he’d kept them in a plastic tub in the corner of the room where there were lots of discarded takeaway bags - I then had to rescue a white pet rat that was drowning in the bath water - this turned out to be Milly, who when I woke up was soaking wet from the rain and needed to be touched with a towel.
He seems to visit about once a month on average. They are a mix of love (giving him hugs) and sometimes fear of his agent of chaos mode. He's obviously still on my mind a lot and I think about him pretty much every day.
When the dreams linger with me, I tend to have a less productive day. It makes me mindful and I like to hold on to them for as long as possible. But I'm glad I've written them down because I'd already forgotten some of them.
Day 6:
Describe one thing you'd like to achieve by this time next year. Why is this important to you?My answer:
I think I might actually be able to finish reading my list of books to read after Finals. I'm only four books away now. One of these is "Mein Kampf" by Adolf Hitler, which I've downloaded on my Kindle but I'm not sure if I should read. Fran is certainly against it. I found it for free online, so there's none of the moral issue of paying for it. But there's a familiar stubborn part of me that wants to read it anyway to experience it for myself. I'm not afraid that it's going to turn me into a Nazi or anything, or make me anti-Semitic. But I probably will get bogged down with it and it would slow my reading speed and motivation. Perhaps it could be a toilet book. How appropriate. There was obviously a reason why I wanted to read it 20 years ago. Probably just because it's one of those notorious books that not many people have read but lots of people have an opinion about. I'm also drawn towards that kind of disgust. I want a visceral feeling. But I'm also just curious what it's like.I've definitely read a bit less this year. I had six weeks before the general election when I was listening to a lot of podcasts. I'm also not reading that much in bed at the moment. And I follow a couple of Substacks, which usually means I've got articles to read over breakfast and lunch instead of reading my book.
It's important for me to read this list of books that I created 20 years ago because I'm a completist and it motivates me to get through something like this. I think I'll also find it tremendously satisfying to cross off the last title. I'll also feel liberated to read what I want (instead of what my 21-year-old self wanted to read). I've got a whole bookcase of books on my backlog - some of which I rescued from Gregory's library the day after he died. Over the last couple of years I've been prioritizing my list of books to read after Finals over these other books, more recent acquisitions.
I think I've written about this here for the last 2 or 3 years, since I've been reading regularly again. It's obviously important to me. And it will be all the more rewarding because it's been a struggle. But I'm glad that it has finally motivated me to read more.
My next challenge might be to read through my backlog of books, and then the list of books I want to read on Goodreads. These lists of books I'll never finish, though, because when you read books, they suggest more books; and when you talk about books with people, they suggest more books; and Fran and I both love treating ourselves to books when we're on holiday; and people give me books for birthdays and at Christmas. What did someone call it? A library of longing? "My library is an archive of longings" (Susan Sontag).
Day 7:
How would you like to improve yourself and your life next year? Is there a piece of advice or counsel you received in the past year that could guide you?My answer:
I'm not sure I've got the balance quite right at the moment. My morning routines take quite a while so I'm often not ready to work until about 11:00. Is that fine? I guess it's OK if I keep up with my work. Maybe I've said yes to too many things at the moment, which is why I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions. Is it too much to do the following each weekday morning: workout or yoga, followed by 20 minutes on the shakti mat listening to a 10-15-minute meditation; then a 20-minute walk while listening to my audiobook or podcast; a shower while listening to another meditation; breakfast at the table while reading. It's a really nice way to start the day and I'm feeling pretty good on the whole. But it does take a while.Then at bedtime I often don't get to bed until after 23:30, sometimes closer to or after midnight. Before waking at 06:45. I'm not getting enough sleep. If I was less tired would I be able to get through my morning routines a bit faster? Should I remove the shakti mat from my morning routine and only do it occasionally? I'm pretty good at keeping habits like this once I start them (if they're working for me). But when you keep stacking habits on each other, your whole day could just be those routines and there's not much time in between for actual paid work.
I also do most of the laundry: putting it in the machine at bedtime, after we've brushed our teeth together and scheduling it to finish before 05:30 so that it takes advantage of the low electricity rate between 23:30 and 05:30. That then means that my morning routines also include another 15-20 minutes to take down and hang up laundry. More audio time, which is great. But another delay to the start of my working day.
If I ever went back to an office job and had to leave the house, I'd have to change my routines. I'm still living with the legacy of lockdown and furlough, which changed the patterns of my life.
Is this really a problem, though? I feel like it's sustainable and, although I'm busy, I don't feel overly stressed, anxious, or close to burnout. I just need to get better at scheduling my work, making time for deep work, and ignoring the noise of emails for the tasks I've already agreed to do.
Is it broken, so do I need to fix it?
Nothing really feels like a chore anymore. I enjoy my work: both paid digital work and unpaid house work.
Of course there are projects I'd like to make time for: framing and hanging more pictures; reading Gregory's notebooks and filing his artworks into the portfolios that Fran gave me for Christmas; taking stuff from the garage to the tip, giving it to charity, or selling it on eBay. But I'm pretty content, on the whole. There's not a huge lot I want or need to change.
Day 8:
Is there something (a person, a cause, an idea) that you want to investigate more fully in the coming year?My answer:
I think this is a similar answer to last year: I want to go through Gregory's stuff. I held off a bit this time last year because I was in the middle of grieving and Moira told me to wait. Now I've lost some of that drive, urgency, momentum. But I don't think it would take such an emotional toll now. I'd like to read the two issues of his fanzine, "The Crypt", that he wrote. I'd like to scan the first issue and share it with Lapinas Pix (definitely wrote about this last year).Why is it, with 10Q (and life in general), that everything takes so long? You might set an intention but then it takes 2-3 years to get around to it.
In my reading I also want to continue to investigate alternatives to capitalism. I find it both infuriating and fascinating. How does one break out of the paradigm one is living in to see alternative possibilities? And if I settled on something that I'd like to see the world become, how would you begin to introduce that idea to the world and make it happen?
I've just finished Malcolm Gladwell's "The Revenge of the Tipping Point". I'm interested in how ideas (or overstories) go from a tiny idea in an isolated place, to becoming the new norm. When I was at a charity conference, I remember learning about the social change index (I think that's what it was called). There are quadrants that an idea can move between, created by two axes: informal (mess, unpredictable) at the top; formal (controlled, measured) at the bottom; individual on the left; societal on the right. The top left box is therefore community (informal and individual); the top right box is public sphere (informal and societal); the bottom right is institutional power (formal and societal); and the bottom left is service provision (formal and individual). This is the social change grid. In order to make change happen, you need to get an idea into the public sphere and then institutionalize it. So an idea like the living wage might start of at the community level and spread into the public sphere, where it gains public support, and is then institutionalized to become a formal law that businesses and organizations must follow.
I don't know if I want to do the work to make that happen; but I'd certainly like to witness social change.
Day 9:
What is a fear that you have and how has it limited you? How do you plan on letting it go or overcoming it in the coming year?My answer:
I don't think I'm afraid of anything. Nothing really comes to mind. There are things I don't want to do, but I don't think that's out of fear and it doesn't feel limiting. I've just reached a stage in life where I know what I like and what I don't like, and I try not to do the things that I don't like.Am I afraid of hard work, of more discpline and longer working hours? No, but I don't really want to do them.
What does actually made me afraid? I'm sometimes socially nervous but in the right context I can be sociable.
Argh. I don't like this question. I don't know what to write about. Maybe it's just not a problem for me at the moment.
Day 10:
When September 2025 rolls around and you receive your answers to your 10Q questions, how do you think you'll feel? What do you think/hope might be different about your life and where you're at as a result of thinking about and answering these questions?My answer:
As usual, I think I'll be grateful that I did it. It has been a busy couple of weeks, so it's been hard to fit them in, but this time of year always seems to be busy and hectic. I'll probably notice that this year was a lot less eventful than last year (when my big brother Gregory died and that was pretty much all I wrote about). I'm grateful that life has returned to normal and there haven't been any major crises to overcome.I also don't really want much to be different about my life. I want to have finished my list of books to read after Finals, but I actually think I will have done that by this time next year. I'll be reading more freely and following my nose rather than a wishlist compiled 20 years ago.
This has felt like a transition year. Things have changed in Fran's life (new job at the Dragon) but not really in mine. I'm coming up to the 4-year anniversary of going freelance full-time. This no longer feels novel; it's just how my life has become. I've adjusted to it.
This hasn't felt like a momentous year and it'll probably feel a little boring to read about, a little repetitive, nothing much to say. But that's a blessing, in some ways. A quiet life.
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