Monday 30 August 2004

John Smith

I wonder if John Smith feels violated when he sees a sample credit card. "How did they take a picture of that when it was in my wallet the whole time?" he might wonder. Or "Hey, I didn't give them permission to share my email address when I registered with!" He must be pretty pissed off, too, when he sees other people drinking his beer, which, apparently, is extra smooth. He went to the trouble of labelling all the cans in his fridge with his name on and everything. Still didn't work.

Talking of names: Dell managed to misspell my surname at least twice on my order confirmation form. How so, when I made the order online and thus all my name and address details should have been stored and reproduced electronically? Maybe it's got something to do with the programmers they must have in that lovely Irish shipment depot. (They probably got their bh's and gh's mixed up in the Gaelic translation. Bless.) They had the usual "Whelan", as well as the more ambitious - and, I like to think, amphibian - "Whalan". (Or was it with a double "l"?) A certain mother of mine, whose identity I will not reveal (huh?), likes to say: "It's like the big fish with an "n". Me being me, like to be more pernickety and stick to the laws of first year science: not a "big fish", rather a "big seafaring mammal". I would pick nits, but I don't think whales have them because they (the nits) can't swim, or at least, don't like to get their feet wet and have to suffer the ignominy of getting sand stuck between their toes.

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