This time last year I did an exercise in personal reflection guided by 10Q. Here are the results:
Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?
I decided not to finish my DPhil thesis on James Joyce at Oxford University. I felt regret and pain, but also relief. I was lucky to get a job at a web design and development company soon after - the first and only job I applied for. I've been much happier and more fulfilled since, although at times the pressure of work tips into stress. I have a busy life and don't find the time to keep on top of all my personal admin, as I was able to do during my graduate studies.
Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you're especially proud of from this past year?
I'm proud of the way I have grown up emotionally this year. I developed feelings for one of my friends, and instead of bottling it up and stewing on it for months, I told her quite early on. We went out on a few dates, but she decided that she didn't want a relationship with me. I think I handled the rejection quite well compared to how I've reacted in the past. It still hurt, but I'm trying to move on. It helped that I was open about how I felt and let her know unequivocally how I felt about her. I'm proud that I made her feel good about herself when we were going out. I still wish she could reciprocate my affections.
Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?
My sister gave birth to her third child. I'm much less interested in children than I was when my first niece was born. I really don't enjoy the company of small children much. I don't have the patience. When I'm with that part of my family, I keep a low profile. I don't want to be the kids' favourite because I don't want to be high in demand. I don't have the energy.
Describe an event in the world that has impacted you this year. How? Why?
I raised money for the Pakistan flood victims by busking in Oxford with Sol Samba.
Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? "Spiritual" can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth.
The closest I've had to a spriritual experience is drumming with Maracatu Estrela do Norte in the Notting Hill Carnival. The repetitive rhythm of maracatu can send you into a trance. With the sound systems blasting out in front and behind us during the parade, there were times when I thought I could hear angels singing above our drumming.
Describe one thing you'd like to achieve by this time next year. Why is this important to you?
I'd like to have a girlfriend by this time next year. It's important to me because I have been frustrated in love many times. I feel I've got a lot to give, but haven't met someone who is willing to reciprocate it. I think I would feel happier and more fulfilled if I had a girlfriend.
How would you like to improve yourself and your life next year? Is there a piece of advice or counsel you received in the past year that could guide you in this project?
I would like to become a better rugby referee over the next year. This is my first season on the Southern Federation Development Squad, which is a great opportunity to improve my skills and experience. There's no one piece of advice that will guide me. I will have to be a sponge and absorb all the advice that is offered to me, decide what I want to take onboard, and then wring the rest out. It will help having more regular reports from match observers and weekly contact with my coach.
Is there something (a person, a cause, an idea) that you want to investigate more fully in 2011?
I want to get deeper into samba and maracatu - have more experiences playing in big fuckoff batterias. I'd like to spend more time with my friend, Bethan, and get to know her better. I might want to investigate spending some time in Brazil - I'd love to play with Viradouro at Rio Carnival.
What is a fear that you have and how has it limited you? How do you plan on letting it go or overcoming it in the coming year?
I'm not really afraid of many things. I used to be afraid of parties, but in the past year I've been to a couple of grown-up parties and really enjoyed myself. It helps knowing most of the people there, liking them, and wanting to spend time with them.
I used to go into my shell at parties and just stand in a corner not talking to anyone, waiting to go home.
When September 2011 rolls around and you receive your answers to your 10Q questions, how do you think you'll feel? What do you think/hope might be different about your life and where you're at as a result of thinking about and answering these questions?
I think I'll be glad I went through this process and intrigued by the things that were preoccupying me a year ago. I might be slightly embarrassed by my answers. I hope that I'll have a girlfriend this time next year and will be able to share my answers with her. (If you're reading this, HELLO!) I'm not sure answering these questions will be a catalyst to any change in my life, but I might surprise myself. Maybe they'll reveal something about myself that I'm not fully aware of now. See me next year!
What are your predictions for 2011?
Love will find me, I hope.
Want to do this yourself this year? 10Q begins 28 September 2011.